These days I am working on simplifying marriage with my hubby. Life goes by so fast that I don’t want to wake up one day with the kids grown and out of the house and not knowing who he is or who I am. I’ve been doing a lot of personal growth and in that have realised I need to also pay attention to my relationships, starting with my husband.
I have mentioned the Simple Marriage blog before as I believe Corey provides fantastic content that starts my “think-on” (my word, you get it don’t you?).
Michael Smalley guest posted for “The Power of One“. Here is a summary of key points I took from the article and plan to implement. The theme follows the trend of Corey’s post Marriage is all about growing up. “My wife and I have been helpingcouples for almost 15 years. And do you know what we have found to be one of the most powerful ways you can change your marriage? The power of one or the power of you.
The power of one is your ability to grow up in the sense of learning how to take personal responsibility for your life, feelings, actions, and decisions. The power of one is your acknowledgment that changing your attitude and behavior will change your marriage. You have tremendous influence on your spouse. You do not have control over your spouse. You’ve probably already figured this point out. But you do have influence. So are you going to influence your marriage for the better or are you going to influence it for worse?
I’m not one to endorse keeping secrets, but this secret did feel like it had real implications on my life going on or ending.
Here are three things you can do when you’ve messed things up with your spouse. These are all ways to take personal responsibility in your life:
Take it on the chin ~ Sometimes the best decision is to simply take whatever your spouse says right on the chin. Just allow your spouse to feel whatever feelings get provoked when you have made a mistake. No matter how your spouse responds, just let the response go and accept the consequences to your actions.
Do not blame ~ The last thing you ever want to do when you’ve blown it is to blame. If you blame your spouse, others, the weather, hormones, the tides, or any other person, place, or thing you are setting your spouse up to be defensive and to feel invalidated. Suck it up and accept responsibility for your actions. Corey has mentioned in the last several days that we need to grow up. My friends, this is a huge way to show our maturity in life. When we stop blaming our past, we start growing and moving forward in life. The longer we blame, the longer we stay stuck.
Do not explain ~ This is a difficult one to do. Some times we hurt our spouse unwittingly. Don’t explain your actions if your spouse is not ready to hear you. First validate and ask what you need to do to repair the damage. Then, just maybe, you will get a chance to eliminate any negative or false beliefs your spouse had against you. But do not attempt this until your spouse has reported feeling understood and validated.
Taking personal responsibility is fun because it makes your relationship easier and more satisfied. You might even say it makes your marriage simple.”
Elizabeth is a children's book author and designer of knit and crochet character hats under the brand The Ruthless Crafter. In her spare time she loves to read, watch movies, spend time with her family, and swim. She lives a full, happy life in Kitchener, Ontario with her husband and their two children.