**UPDATED June 24, 2017. This post contains affiliate links
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My post partem depression trigger
In January 2008 my second child was born. After the birth I felt fantastic. I was even into my pre-pregnancy clothes by my 6 week follow up appointment. The day before the 6 week appointment, tragedy struck and a girlfriend who I met in prenatal classes with for our first children (who are exactly one week apart) died during a routine C-section.
This experience sent me into a deep depression and it took some friends I saw daily to suggest there might be something up. They were nervous to mention this to me but I was so grateful that they brought it to my attention. It sounds strange that I didn’t know but I was so busy with a toddler and an infant newborn at home plus mourning my friend that I really didn’t have time to think about how I was feeling. I figured it was just being tired and life with kids.
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Some friends I saw daily brought my depression to my attention. It took courage on their part and I’m so grateful they did.
Recognizing something was not right
Around the end of March 2008 I called my doctor’s office to book an appointment. I had arranged childcare so I could go during nap time and the receptionist told me there were no appointments that day. This broke me. I didn’t think I could last another day without talking to a professional. Thankfully I was eventually able to get in and speak to my doctor that day – I think they could tell there was something pressing going on so they moved things around. Again, I’m grateful for their compassion because I was really starting to fall apart.
I can’t even explain what falling apart meant but I remember feeling numb all over and something blinking in my mind that I needed help and soon.
When I saw the doctor she put me on medication and advised I go to a psychologist to discuss things. I followed her orders and I felt so good just talking. Unfortunately, the medication made me gain weight and my depression never did alleviate so I finally went in and said that I would rather be thin and miserable than fat and miserable. It was just compounding the problem for me.
Fast forward 7 years later to present day (May 2015) and I’ve done a few weight loss programs over the years when I have bouts of motivation and I have slowly lost the 30+ pounds that I gained. I would like to lose 10-15 lbs more but I am mostly happy with my current weight. I feel *normal* again.
Advice for women who may have post partem depression
If you have or are going through post partem depression, or if you are not sure if you have it, don’t be shy and consult your medical professional. I think it was worse not knowing and feeling so alone.
I also read Brooke Sheild’s journey of depression in her book “Down Came The Rain” for which I wrote a review (read the review here). It was very detailed and helpful in recognizing similarities in my baby journey.