Thank you to Simple Marriage for this post on The Biggest Lie Many Parents Live By (and sometimes as spouses). Here is a summary but click on the article title for the full original post.
Being a parent is overwhelming at times. Endless schedules, teachable moments, messes to clean up, meals to prepare, laundry to fold, and moments to lose your cool. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Countless parents are in the same boat. And all of us are in this boat due to two things.
First is our own emotional reactivity (which is our own worst enemy). And second is the biggest lie many parents live by… more on this in a moment.
We all live within a system. Your family is a system. And each member feeds off other members within the system. The simple truth is you probably spend a great deal of time trying to control things you can not possibly control. Your kid’s reactions, their behaviors, their choices, even your spouse.
There’s a great deal of pressure with parenting today. We are bombarded with the messages of putting family first. Keeping our children safe. Being saddled with the idea of parents are the ones molding the future of our world. It’s overwhelming. So rather than spending a great deal of energy on things you can’t control, spend time working on the things you can. This starts, and probably ends, with you.
Second, there’s a lie many parents live by. It’s this: you are responsible for your child. But ultimately, they are their own separate being.We are much more responsible TO our children than we are FOR them.
Marital application: To apply this idea on another level, read the post again and replace the word children with spouse. The same idea applies.